Saying sorry: the art of apologising

Apologising isn't easy. Or is it?

No, this is still not a breathless bit of plugging for Vent du Sud.

I need to tackle this marketplace thing, see, and I'm putting it off. And still trying to find my feet in SL again.

Is that saying sorry? Er no, it's a fact. We'll get onto that in a minute.

Have a photo before we get to the rant. 

There we go. Just to remind myself that I used to make things, and that I intend to do again. At the Vent du Sud mainstore, 1L a piece, right up front). Colour change on the chairs and tablecloth (more cutting-edge technology *cough* and pretty pastels)


OK, on to the day's ponderings.

Somebody high up in an organisation I work for actually practices the 'apologise sincerely, don't justify your blunder or pass the blame, reassure people that it won't happen again,  and then suggest everybody move on' approach extremely well, and it comes out as totally sincere.

I really admire him for it. It's taught me a lot about apologising myself, although the temptation to say 'but I was tired, or 'but it's not my fault' can be rather strong (understatement) at times.

So how do you get sincerity across? Particularly when you've messed up your apology (by justifying it, whining, and finding it just wasn't good enough)?

Well first, tell yourself that for some people, no apology ever will be good enough. Some people enjoy grudges.

Lie low or be out of town run away? A possibility, but not easy if you want to continue doing something you believe in.

I think the only thing is to take action. Show you're trying to move on. Apologise for messing up the apology (ouch, but sometimes there's no alternative). Mind, you can't do this for ever. Twice may work, three times probably won't.

And if you can't or don't or won't take action (such as commit to changing your procedures / approach / methods 'next time'), then maybe it's time to quietly withdraw from that sphere and deal with the fact that - sad as it is - sometimes a major blunder really does haunt you.

Maybe this is the moment to be glad you aren't an air traffic controller or a brain surgeon. They have it much worse.

(Don't be flippant, woman). 

Sure, I'm referring to recent events in SL blogs but, to be honest, it applies to a lot of things.

It applies to anything from breaking up a relationship that was a mistake (because usually, apologies / admissions are due on both sides, no?) to being totally undiplomatic (guilty) or always late for things (not guilty: too many years in Switzerland, I think, where late is Not. Done.)

There's another side too - one that's also rather irritating. I'm talking about the 'compulsive apologiser' type who spends his / her life saying sorry sorry sorry. 

I tend to be one of those over certain things. Recent examples:

Sorry for not blogging (I did go back and edit it that out more than once because... well... who cares except me)
Sorry for not being in touch (I am, genuinely, sorry and I'm dreadful about remembering to call people at times, so I just need to DO something about it instead of apologising)
Sorry for burning the sauce (hey, it's a sauce and I'm a damned good cook, and I was distracted so we shall move on, take out a packet of the instant stuff and it shall not be a drama)
Sorry for not agreeing with you (actually no I'm not. I'd like to slap you and swear at you, but this is probably not a good idea. So I shall just shut up.)
Sorry for being pedantic (I also get frivolous and apologise for that too, but I should stop it. I am as I am, and I can't always make compromises).

OK, back to work.

I  may (if the big Marketplace move is not yet another SL catastrophe in the making) build something soon. But I'm not going to apologise if I don't.

So there ;)

How to be totally disgusted

There are plenty of things that irritate me on SL. Ranging from bling, face lamps, tacky textures, ugly builds and people who use text speak (how hard is it to type "you" and "your" and "before"?)

But this? THIS?

http://associatedslpress.thebestofsl.com/2012/03/22/the-ffl-2012-blogger-hall-of-shame/

Pathetic. Stupid. Arrogant. Revolting.

Big-mouthed self-important wannabe SLebrities pointing fingers at people who didn't get around to blogging for Fashion for Life without having any idea WHY (or, apparently, caring as long as they get to act important on a blog).

I have never, ever seen such an unpleasant, unnecessary post on a blog.

Worse, those on the "name and shame" list are all being called "unwilling" to help by somebody else in the organisation who seems to fancy himself as a mind-reader. Frolic somebody? Should that ring a bell?

How much better would it have been to praise the bloggers who did manage to find the time, maybe adding "shame some others didn't but they obviously had too much RL stuff going on".

Yes, I expect it's possible that some bloggers signed up just to get free stuff. But others? Work issues, RL issues, family issues: they come FIRST, no?

Seriously, I'm disgusted.

If I was a fashion blogger, that is one event I wouldn't touch again with a bargepole. And the more people who realise what utter trash the organisers are capable of posting, the better.

Right. Glad I got that off my chest.

Wistful, wondering and weary

So I'm sure my  massive readership is desperate for news (pardon the sarcasm, it's been a long day).

My patience with work overload is wearing thinner by the day. The big question is whether I will reach the light at the end of the tunnel before I do something daft like inform a Very Large Client or two that they can go take a leap, or delete SL because it's been too damn long and I feel totally out of it.

Then I get all wistful and soppy about Vent du Sud and my SL friends and grit my teeth a bit more.

I don't actually get frustrated about the fact that I'm not making money (heh - never really did with stuff at 1L or 50L), but far more about the fact that it's going to be a struggle to catch up, get building, and GO SHOPPING.

(Suggestions welcome to make me feel glam. I may even dip my toe into mesh - at least buying it because I'm sure as hell too stupid to ever MAKE it).**

But first I need time to actually go look at stuff. 


Now, enough whining and I'm off to line up a few more (thousand) words, interspersed with some short but rather cathartic RL breaks spent pruning bushes that suffered from our Siberian winter.

I can recommend it. Snip, snip, snip. Take that, evil client!

Making bread is another good thing but a girl has to make choices and the garden won (and a break from the sceen is a Good Thing).

But before I go...

If any of that massive readership of mine do fancy a quick shopping trip to Vent du Sud, I never remembered to reset the freebie corner cabinet (which is still free) and the others are 1L, as are the doodads that go with them plus the matching shelves

(Excuse me while I rummage for photos of those...).

There.

They feature exciting, cutting-edge technology like sliding glass parts so you can put stuff in (or more importantly get it out again).

Think SL can cope with this technological wizardry of mine?

Don't answer that.

Direct TP (excuse me while I rummage for my list of SLURLS).

Here we are. Sadly, the caption on my list says NEW STUFF. Riiiight. 

Back to the joys of hard labour. And (serious moment) really do hope I can get back into it after PC issues, connectivity issues and then a nightmarish work schedule.

They do say things go in threes though, right?

** I have THOUGHTS on mesh but that's for another time, when I don't need to rummage in a rather empty looking refrigerator and produce fuel to permit me to meet the next deadline.

No I have not fallen off the planet

No, I really have NOT fallen off the planet.

Work, however, has taken on epic proportions (to the point Mr RL has had to - gasp - cook).

(Iron, no. He does not iron. I was pressing work my pants (clearly labelled 'non-iron' but it was a LIE) at 6 on Sunday morning. Go me). 

So apart from a whirlwind peek at blogs and a rapid dash into SL to resolve any client issues and say hi to a couple of people... I am chained to my desk. Or asleep. Or eating fish fingers and frozen pizza and what was apparently a pork chop.

I may emerge in ten days or so. I ****** well hope so.

Right now, I am about to pack and leave again until Saturday. I've had a few busy RL periods in 5 years of SL but this takes the biscuit.

Not a happy bunny but hey, it pays the bills.

The hard part, though - will be actually getting back into SL after PC problems and connection problems and work purgatory. Things change so damned fast.


But - fingers crossed - I will. I miss it.

There. Brief post. Miracle, no?