I admit it - I am a snob. So shoot me. Well actually please don't as I have a lot of meals to cook for the family over the next few days.
Or maybe shooting me would be kinder because (so help me) I am not a great fan of this time of year. Tradition is nice. But it would be nicer if somebody else did the cooking. Or the decorating, the present-buying, the wrapping, and finding the decorations I packed away with glee and unseemly haste last year.
Pet elitist grumbles of the week:
- Please don't call me hunny. It is guaranteed to make me scrabble for the mute button.
- Please don't talk to me in SMS-speak or netspeak or whatever you call it. Why is it so hard to type 'you' instead of 'u' or 'before' instead of 'B4'? Please explain. With punctuation.
- If I have declined your group once, there is little chance I'm going to join it on your second, third, fourth or fifth request. My fault for forgetting the 'mute', I know.
- Please don't ask me to admire anything with bling. I can't. But I can give you the scrubber script if you like.
- Glow is often showy. Too showy. Think of figures starting with a zero. Like 0.05. And if you plant something glowy on your land, like a 40-foot glowy... something (usually so glowy you can't see what it is), then you should be shot. Good way of making sure all nearby parcels remain unsold, however.
- Think carefully about compulsive freebie hunting. Group gifts are nice... when they are nice (and some really are). But really... is it worth the trying-on, the eye-rolling and the inventory-sorting, braving the blingy fray, only to find a miniature... whatever filled with what turns out to be a pair of lime-green hooker boots or Yet Another Pie Frill Skirt? No, it is not. Go mad. Invest ten Real Life Dollars. Or at the very least get rid of the sense of entitlement.
- And for that matter, stop camping. Go without a coffee or beer or something and spend the time finding some designers worth their salt.
- Or spend that time studying your slide bars (unless you really, really want boobs you can eat your breakfast off).
Back to the kitchen. Not that I'm grumpy or anything :)